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Biden’s only using weed to be cool

By Jon Sherfey

Editor’s note: The opinions expressed here are those of the authors. View more opinion on ScoonTV.

Joe Biden recently federally pardoned simple possession of cannabis. Unfortunately, this does little to nothing for the Mary Jane community. It doesn’t take a stoner to know Biden doesn’t really smoke like that and is only doing this to be cool. By “be cool,” I of course mean “not do so terribly in the midterms.” Biden’s going to have to swag up or sit down if he wants the midterms to go his way. 

Biden doesn’t even smoke. And I bet if he did smoke he’d pretend like he got way higher than he actually did. Not only does Biden not smoke, but he’s fired staffers for even admitting that they’ve puffed chron. Uhh narc alert. If Biden really wanted to help the stoner army he’d pardon those staffers from getting fired by giving them their job back. Maybe even give them an eighth of D.C’s most euphoric kush. 

One of the things Biden’s pardon does however is allow those with federal possession marijuana charges to vote, if they aren’t too stoned to get to the polls that is. 

So yes, Biden pardoned people with federal cannabis possession but at the end of the day that’s not the victory you think it is. In actuality, only a laughably small number of current inmates in federal prison have just a marijuana possession charge. They all have other charges like selling weed, aggravated assault or other cool crimes like that.

People who are already out of prison benefit, but they are probably too old to want to vote now anyway. 

So it’s fair to say Biden really dropped the ball on this one. Or dropped the blunt rather. And any stoner can tell you what that means. 

Biden’s pardon now allows those convicted of marijuana possession to do jury duty which is completely unfair. After serving time there has been enough suffering. I say anyone convicted gets a get-out-of-jail free card for jury duty as long as they’ve been to jail. Joe should give stoners something they really want like a rolling tray with a hypebeast Rick and Morty getting absolutely blasted off dabs printed on it. Or, you know, weed legalization nationwide?

One thing the bill does not do however is expunge the conviction from people’s records. So, while this pardon may help convicts get job opportunities, it still leaves stoners’ character with a bad stench they have to carry around with them. In this case, they do not want that. 

If anyone should understand not wanting to be judged for one’s past it’s Biden. 

Biden supported the 1994 crime bill after all. The bill led to mass incarceration for people with cannabis offenses and caused enormous injustices in the harsh American penal system. Biden should definitely get skipped next rotation. 

As long as cannabis ranks in the same status as heroin, the problem remains. Biden needs to change the classification of marijuana from a schedule one drug to a schedule fun drug. Stoners should be rolling joints not rolling around in a jail cell. 

The reason Joe is doing this now is because of the midterms. As approval ratings remain low and gas prices remain high, Joe is in trouble. He should focus on a different kind of gas and make things better for weed smokers everywhere and clinch the midterm. 

If Joe could help with our domestic gas prices he could successfully gain support from the weed community who he had failed thus far. 

With so many troubling news stories there is no better distraction and tool for Joe to use to sway public opinion. Don’t focus on the war in Ukraine. Smoke a bowl of that new strain. Don’t fret about the rising sea levels, but instead enjoy a rising high. There is no concern in having a geriatric president if there is relaxation and vibing.

Something Joe can do is decriminalize marijuana federally. As long as states can continue to throw people in jail for possessing marijuana, the problem rages on. His current pardon is an empty gesture and the American people know it. 

The American people want less pardon and more party. The pardon doesn’t affect most while the party does. If the government can print money they can grow weed. Start implementing change the people want to see and the midterms and re-elections will show the support of the weed-smoking public. 

Joe can become more “down” with the cool kids by being himself. It’s never the right move to succumb to peer pressure and use weed just because it’s en vogue. It needs to come from the heart. If Biden really wants to help weed smokers and legalize the sweet reefer they hold so dearly, his current actions won’t cut it. 

Biden is using weed to manipulate the American people instead of how he should be using it; to eat Taco Bell and watch Adult Swim.

Biden needs to decriminalize weed and release all non violent drug offenders, even those with more than weed charges. Once he impacts the lives of those affected by his war on drugs, maybe people will finally rally around him.

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Jon Sherfey

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