Stop, or my dog will shoot!

By Jon Sherfey

Editor’s note: The opinions expressed here are those of the authors. View more opinion on ScoonTV.

After countless preventable tragedies, including more mass shootings than days this year, Republicans still deny the danger of America’s gun climate. In fact, the conservative Supreme Court just made it legal for gun owners to not even need a permit to carry a concealed weapon. Their denial of gun danger would be laughable if it wasn’t so dangerous. If Republicans will show no logic or morals when it comes to gun control, then I propose we expand gun laws just like they want. Not only should American citizens have an unlimited right to bear arms, but man’s best friend should too. That’s right; dogs need guns.  

Picture this. You’re sound asleep and you hear the noise of a man breaking into your front door. Terrified, you get up to get your gun, but the assailant is already making his way to your bedroom. You hear a bark from your trusty pooch and a gunshot. Fearing the worst, you rush to save your k9 but see the intruder’s lifeless body on the floor and your dog wagging his tail with a Glock safely handled in his mouth. 

Who knows, maybe the handling of recent mass shootings would have been very different if armed dogs were present. Police have shown themselves as useless in these recent events. During the tragic Uvalde school shooting, police waited over an hour before apprehending the shooter. Dogs, on the other hand, would not have the fear police have and would rush in the scene much faster.  

Certain dogs can run 45 miles per hour. That’s twice as fast as Olympic athletes. So, even if police felt like doing their jobs, they would be left in the dust of heroic dogs eager to do their duty.  

After shootings, some “crazy” liberals want to add gun restrictions to prevent further mass murders. The recent gun bill has created more restrictions for gun owners. But like many Republicans are seriously advocating, America should expand, not restrict, gun use.  

Now, some say dogs are too young to wield a firearm, but this is a common misconception. In fact, by the age of two, dogs are over 18 in human years and therefore of legal age. Although, luckily, some states like Louisiana allow minors to own firearms anyways. But making sure the dogs are of proper age ensures a maturity necessary for the stressful and dangerous job.  

This has never been done before and I know what you’re thinking; can dogs even shoot guns? Yes.  

Babies shoot guns quite frequently actually. There were 392 shootings by children in 2021, resulting in 167 deaths. One-in-four of those shootings were from children under five years old. If toddlers have the strength to shoot guns, it is certain dogs can as well. Pit bulls for example can bite with a force of 235 pounds per square inch. The strength of a pit bull is far stronger than the average toddler. In other words, they can bust shots with ease.  

With a slight modification to the trigger, it’s assured your dog will not only be able to pull the trigger, but will be a marksman in no time too. 

Dogs can herd animals, detect bombs or drugs, and even complete complex obstacle courses, so there is no issue when it comes to preciseness and competence. 

In fact, certain dogs have already taken action in their own hands. Six people have been shot in this country by dogs since 2010. Some would argue that shows how pervasive America’s toxic gun culture has become, but I’d say it shows the danger of not training these animals properly. Dogs are going to want to shoot no matter what. It is up to us to train them so the weapons are not misused. A standardized testing process can allow these patriotic pups to learn responsibly and enjoy their second amendment right. Plus, the training would create new job opportunities. 

After learning to properly handle the weapon, they will have received roughly the same amount of training American police receive. Dogs can actually tell when people are lying and can determine who is a “bad guy” as well. This is necessary in chaotic situations. One needs to identify the criminal quickly and act on it. Dogs are perfect for this and possibly even better than human police. While police have shown to judge people by the color of their skin, dogs will surely judge citizens on the content of their character. The transition to bias-free policing will help curb racial profiling and the many negative effects police inflict on minority communities.  

There is much higher risk as well when humans have guns. Humans are just plain more dangerous than dogs when it comes to guns. Americans kill over 20,000 people every year, while dogs have less than 1,000 shootings over many years. The difference is stark. 

Recent shootings prove that a disgruntled citizen can wreak havoc when they have mental issues and are angry at the world. Instead of making it harder for those citizens to access guns, let’s just level the playing field by giving dogs guns. They don’t have hateful agendas or wish to harm large groups of people. In addition, upset dogs can easily be gladdened by a treat or belly rub.  

Pro-gun and anti-gun people want the same thing and that’s a safer country. Taking away the guns isn’t the answer, giving guns to dogs is. Dogs’ agility, good nature, and ability to be trained makes them the only choice to protect citizens of this country.  

Write your congressman and plead with them to fight to arm dogs instead of restricting guns. That way, you can get yourself something at the local unregulated gun show and also pick up a nine for your canine as well. 

And when the liberals try to take your guns away, tell them, “Stop, or my dog will shoot.”